The ice gods hate me

What the...?? Hello winter anomaly!! I know this probably happens lots of other places, but it's not a terribly common occurrence here in good ol' Provo. Last Thursday was a particularly dangerous day here in the inversion-ridden tundra of Utah. There were at least three accidents within a half hour on University Ave and hurried students were slipping all over campus as they tried to escape the biting cold and deadly sidewalks. By the time I got to work in the afternoon, Facebook was blowing up with people posting videos like this and making jokes about wearing ice skates to school. This was shot on the pedestrian bridge from the Marriott Center to the Administration Building.

Funny story: I have been doing so well staying upright this winter. I've even avoided the windmill affect (where you stand there swinging your arms in giant circles, praying to every god you've ever heard of that you can find your balance sometime before your face hits the pavement). The worst of it was a 2-inch slip of the foot and a startled scream. I felt like I was queen of the ice. Especially compared to my roommate who walks like an 80-year-old woman who needs a hip replacement. Something about being scared of falling? ...paranoid. So here's the embarrassing part. Even the mighty queen of the ice was not a match for this deadly freeze on Thursday. I was running barely on-time for class (as per usual) and started trekking up the hill, passing the slow pokes on the left like a squatty little roadrunner when all of the sudden my quick steps are not finding the right propulsion and my boots (the cute kind, not the utilitarian kind) were finding no purchase. Each step I took was met with zero traction, which is not typically a problem on flat surfaces but is absolutely impossible on an incline! I saw my life flash before my eyes!!! Each step slipped back a few centimeters and I knew there was nothing stopping me from sliding all the way back down the hill and tumbling all the way back into my nice warm house and never going back up to campus ever again. So I didn't exactly make it all the way back down to the bottom of the hill, but I did make it all the way down to the pavement from my might perch of ice-walker. That's right. I fell. Right on my hands and knees. The nice boy behind me asked if I was okay and I gave him a joke-it-off "haha yeah I'm fine" while I screamed in my head "HOW THE CRAP AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE IT UP THIS DARNED HILL WITHOUT A SKI LIFT?????"

As if that wasn't bad enough, I fell again on Friday on my way out the door. In front of my own stupid house!!! Mine you, it rained Thursday afternoon, melted all the ice and turned everything to slush. But somebody decided it was a good idea to put a strip of ice on the sidewalk where the walkway from the front  door meets the sidewalk. Right where one would make a 90' pivot to turn and walk down the street. My feet were gone from under me, I landed on both knees, slammed both hands to the ground and my backpack's momentum (continuing in a nice little arc from five feet up to ground level) brought my face within an inch of the wet pavement. It felt like I was going to try to do a somersault -- but something went horribly wrong :( I jumped back up to find my knees soaking wet and screaming in pain. Later in the day, I found a small dark brown spot on my jeans and found out it was blood. The freaking sidewalk drew blood!! So now my knees look like this and I'm royally ticked at the ice gods for this little stunt. But hey, battle wounds are cool right? And needless to say, I'll be walking a little more slowly until spring comes.

But at least I don't have it as bad as these poor people.

Who needs a handi-man?

Not this girl! For I am quite the handi-woman, thank you very much. I had a very productive Saturday, I must say. After swimming a half-mile at the gym, I went to the gro-cer-ry store on a mission. Among ingredients for this week's cyoolinary adventure {pozole (Mexican soup), tortilla española (Spanish omlet), and sopapillas (Mexican maybe? -- fried dough covered in honey, powdered sugar, etc mmmmm)}, I picked up some AA and AAA batteries, super glue, WD-40, and water protector for leather/suede/fabric shoes. What did I do with all these magical items, you ask? Why, I did what any single, independent, handy co-ed would do. I fixed all my problems!

• The clock in our kitchen got stuck at 11:30 and my flashlight (by which I do Sudoku puzzles late at night -- don't judge me) was going so dim I started to get eye strain. Nothing that a couple new batteries can't fix. 
• The sole of my boot started to peel away at the toe, letting snow and drafty breezes in on my tootsies. Did I call the cobbler? Nah, I just used super glue. 
• My boots from last season were starting to leak and my socks got all wet :( Did I throw them away? Good heavens, no! I sprayed them with water-proofer! (those and every other pair of shoes I might want to wear in the snow/slush this winter)

• The doors on our pantry cupboard sounded like a witch being boiled in oil. It's especially great when you're trying to get a midnight snack without the rest of your roommates thinking you're a pig since you've already had three Star Crunches today. Or when you're home alone making dinner and you grab the rice but forget to shut the door, so you walk away and it begins to swing s..l..o..w..l..y closed -- talk about creepy! Take some of this WD-40, you spooky tattle-tale door hinges! Not so creaky now, huh?

Yeah, I'm pretty handy. Although, I can only take most of the credit. Last week, my Daddy suggested I keep a few things on hand, just in case -- duct tape: for things that aren't supposed to move but do, and WD-40: for things that are supposed to move but don't. My next project will be applying a garbage bag or some other protective layer to the outside of the cooling unit hanging from our kitchen window. Sometimes I stand at the sink doing dishes and get hit with a blast of arctic wind! This probably ought to stop since we don't exactly want to be cooling our house these days. Yes, I know, I should have done that 3 months ago when we turned it off in favor of open windows and fall breezes. But whatever.